So young, so old
I’m 24 but the heaviness inside makes it feel like 60.
I’ve been like this all my life, grew up too fast and it had it’s good things. Now, due to gambling, it came to the bottom.
I don’t remember the first time I gambled nor the first time I got in contact with it; but I do remember being a little boy and hearing my mom acuse my dad of gambling. All of my family’s problems are derivated from money. My mother worked her way up from a very poor background and takes every penny into consideration. My father on the other hand melted thousands of euros over the years.
I’ve gone through some harsh times during my teenage years, and have read that usually problem gambers have other associated psychological illnesses. I’m pretty sure that’s the case with me, even though I have never been diagnosed. I think I suffer from a bunch of them.
As I write this, I realize I’m being too rational, just like a good problem gambler.
Fact is today, after a 1000 euros melt down, I come home to my girlfriend and, even though she would like to understand, she doesn’t. I’m thinking of my father. Of how lonely he is now, of how broke and helpless he must be. I admire my father to my guts but I don’t want to end up like him. It’s what I most fear.
I tried to call him…i just wish he would know what to say…how to stop this madness…
Much love,
Keep strong !!