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Lanie's Hope

“Casino” by A Woman in Recovery Carson City, Nevada

Here I sit with lifeless eyes,
Playing my machine…it’s do or die.

With the spin of the wheel I place my trust,
I’m gonna’ win…I must.

I think to myself I’ve gotta’ be nuts
My money is gone and I’ve gone bust.

Tomorrow’s a new day and I need more cash
“Money Tree” is up the street; so there I dash.

What the hell, I can’t lose this time.
I feel so lucky. I feel just fine.

Once again on my stool with my machine I sit,
Problem is though, I just can’t quit.

This time it will be different, I just know it will.
I need to concentrate and sit still.

Hours go by and two shifts I’ve seen…
But I’m still sitting at my machine.

The waitress comes by to give me my drink
My hopes of a jackpot begin to sink.

But I gotta’ stay. I’ve invested so much.
I’m still a player…haven’t lost my touch.

Once again, like many nights before,
I walk out of the casino to my car’s front door.

Yeah, I lost tonight, but tomorrow will change,
I think to myself, I must be deranged.

But I just can’t stop; the hold is too great,
I’m a compulsive gambler – guess that’s my fate.

Should I get help for this condition of mine?
Hell no, I’m OK and I’ll be just fine.

A voice in my head tells me I’m quite sick,
This addiction is bad….It’s got me licked.

Then one night I summon the courage to stop,
To a GA meeting in a chair I just flop.

Through tears in my eyes and a voice all choked up,
I say I’m a gambler – I finally fess up.

The faces in the room all seem to understand,
They welcome me with an extended hand.

I feel at home and finally at peace
As I listen to every one of them speak.

Their stories are varied, but similar too,
“We’ve been there my friend…just like you.”

I’ve come back to these rooms night after night,
‘Cause I need the help and I must fight.

With some years in the program I’m beginning to see,
Strength and hope rising in me.

When I admitted I couldn’t do it alone – I needed help from others,
I not only found myself, but my sisters and brothers.

GA is the best place for me,
With it, I’ve found true Serenity.




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A Compelling and Passionate Speaker
Bea Aikens couples her personal experience with extensive knowledge of the disease of compulsive gambling to build a compelling platform for civic, community and national organizations seeking knowledge and understanding of the disease of disordered gambling. To engage Bea for your upcoming event, contact her at
Contact Info
Lanie's Hope
P.O. Box 60214
Boulder City, NV 89006
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