May 10, 2012
DROP THE GUN. DROP THE PILLS. PICK UP THE PHONE! Over the past 10 days I have literally connected directly with four people suffering from gambling addiction who were at the brink of suicide. Thank the Lord they are all still with us and reaching out for RECOVERY! This disease that hijacks our brains and eradicates our souls also can be arrested with treatment and mutual aid groups, spiritual counsel, a friend who cares…there ARE “No wrong doors” …just enter one and RECOVER. Life is precious and the pain passes. Those in recovery from addiction are LIVING PROOF…RECOVERY is a reality for many and it can be for those who consider the ultimate choice.
SUCIDE PREVENTION HELPLINE is 800-273-8255.
GAMBLING ADDICTION HELPLINE is 800-522-4700.
Lost in my Gambling Addiction
November 12, 2012
I awoke in the hospital and l remembering looking over and seeing my son. I thought I was dead, because I had not seen him in over three months yet we live less than five miles from each other. Earlier that week all my lies had finally caught up with me. I hated myself and no longer wanted to live. I have only one child and had no relationship with him due to my gambling addiction. If I didn’t have him, I though, I have nothing. My gambling addiction was so out of control that I would look in the mirror and not even recognize myself. I was on high blood pressure medications because my blood pressure was so high due to the stress. I was lying, cheating stealing, whatever I could do to get the money to go and gamble and it was all coming to an end. I could not take the pressure of my actions. I had been found out by friends. My shame was so great. I needed an escape and I thought dying was the best solution.
I came home from my counseling appointment that day and decided I couldn’t do this anymore. I had no control over my gambling addiction. I wrote letters to my son and a few friends apologizing for my actions over the past few years. I remember thinking my son deserved a better mother than me. I thought he had a great wife and two beautiful children and he would be all right without me. I had hurt so many people in my life, some that do not even know yet about my addiction. I remember thinking before I closed my eyes on that day, after taking 110 pills that I was scared and I didn’t want to die. I thought it was too late. I had taken all those pills and I was going to die. I didn’t even get to tell my son I loved him, only through a letter. Well as I closed my eyes I felt I was finally going to get some peace, something I had not had in my life in a long time.
Read more →