How did I let this happen…again?
I am a 53 year old woman who never expected to be in this situation. I grew up near a bingo hall, which eventually turned into a gambling resort. I went there on occasion with my family, but I never found it to be much fun. My mother always said, “We should go to Las Vegas! Aunt J and Uncle M go there every year and want us to join them. I wasn’t interested. I did eventually to to Las Vegas several years later. I wanted to attend a conference being held there and had just met someone who made all the travel arrangements. It was a fun trip. I only brought a little money and ended up bringing it back home. Then the Vegas trip became an annual experience. Every year was bigger and better! I still wasn’t spending a lot of money, but I was begining to experince “gambler’s remorse”.
I didn’t worry about it then because Las Vegas was far away and if I gambled once a year, how bad was that? Then the local casino popped up. Jump ahead 10 years and I find myself a compulsive gambler. That was the catalyst. Out of site out of mind wasn’t working any more. After two failed attempts at “fixing” my gambling problem on my own, or with my husbands help, I finally admitted to myself that I have a serious problem. I am now attemding GA meetings and put myself on the exclusion list at the local casino. That was the easy part. Now I live with the fear of losing the person who means the most to me. Although my husband swears that he will stay with me and help me through this, I worry 24/7 that he will change his mind and leave me. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I know I can get back to that person again, but has the financial damage I caused mean that I will end up alone? I wish I could jump ahead a year to see how my life ends up.